I’ve been swimming for so long that it’s not fun anymore. Every once in a while the water calms enough for me to take a couple of strokes in what seems like the right direction. It’s hard to know though, when you can’t see a shore anywhere. It’s been a long time since I felt like I was making any progress. I’ve just been treading water lately. And now it feels like the undertow’s got me. I don’t want to drown, but there’s something so seductive about the idea to just let go.
What I really want right now is a cigarette.
